27, i've been waiting for you: the things i've learned leading up to you.

this just in: my 27th birthday is almost here!  i think many people would approach this corner with hesitation, trying to stop the day coming.  it's one day closer to one year closer to 30!  only 3 years til 30!  i plan to feel that way when i turn 28.  but, insofar as 27 is concerned, i have been waiting for this day to come.

for various reasons, i have loved the idea of being 27.  this number "27" just seems like it's a good number, with mainly good vibrations and positive associations, including (i) my birthday is on the 27th day (ii) my parents were married on the 27th day, and (iii) the square root of 27 is 3, and everyone knows 3 is a good number.

you probably think i'm reaching on that last one and so be it.  i love 27 and i don't care who knows it.  in any case, i've got this feeling about 27 and i think it's gonna be bumper year.

the thing about being able to approach a year this way is the benefit of looking back.  hindsight is 20/20, after all.  so, in exercising my own hindsight from the last 26 years, a list:

10. time:

working a lot, sleeping little, being busy - none of these make you a better, happier, more interesting, more enviable, more likeable person.  the man who made time made lots of it - try and make the most of it.

9. honesty:

come clean with people from the get-go.  these interactions we're having with each other - these aren't jokes, they're not scripted and on some sitcom or television drama.  when you neglect to be honest you're robbing the person you're interacting with of the choice of whether you're worth interacting with.  whatever the short-term gain is, abusing someone's trust and their ability to exercise discretion is not tight and gets you kicked to the curb.  some people might not be strong enough to respond to a lie in a strong manner at first - they become strong enough at some point, though.  

8. forgiveness:

i have had some really substantial falling-outs with people.  some of it has been over trite nonsense and some of it was probably in good conscious.  in any case, i spun my wheels and became obsessed with all of these broken relationships, talking shit about people endlessly.  it's exhausting and unhelpful.

Paulo Coelho is my favourite author.  he summarizes his journey to learning about forgiveness in this exchange with his teacher:

"You haven't managed to erase the scars of some injustices committed against you during your life.  But what good does that do you?  None at all.  It does absolutely nothing.  It just leaves you with a constant desire to feel sorry for yourself for being the victim of those who were stronger.  Or else makes you want to dress up like an avenger ready to inflict more wounds on those who hurt you.  Don't you think you're wasting your time with all that?"

"I certainly think it's human."

"It's certainly human.  But it's neither intelligent nor reasonable.  Respect your time on this earth." (By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept, see "About the Author".)

practice forgiveness all the time, especially when it's difficult.  it doesn't mean ever interacting with a person who hurt you again, but it does mean your own peace.

7. people aren't the same:

sometimes people seem like photocopies of other people you've met at some point, and so, when you get to talking, you can decide really quickly that they're a very good person or that they're bound to screw you over.  they might very well be a super stellar individual or, in the shittier alternative, they might, for good reason, get your fight-or-flight-syndrome kicking into higher gear.  however, the thing that remains is that the reason they are good or shitty is not because of some other person you know, with similar characteristics, who was good or shitty.    

6. pretentiousness:

i was an extremely pretentious teenager, especially when it came to music.  i was on a rap-free/country-free diet.  i exclusively listened to music that was "significant", "meaningful", "deep", "complicated".  i can absolutely be quoted as saying that i thought future generations would laugh at what would be written about our generation in music history text books.  at some point i got over that...probably right around the same time i realized there just isn't anything 'wrong' with hip hop music.  in fact, i am listening to g eazy as i write these words.  in fact, i think hip hop is presently my favourite thing to throw on.  and, in further fact, Shad has not only been the tightest show i've seen in years but has optimism, intellect and creativity - lyrically and musically - that makes the bands i believed were so vastly superior seem...well, quite average.  there isn't a prima facie (hah!) case of great music, but dismissing a genre before getting on in there is prima facie pretentious.  and that shit is annoying as hell.  i didn't sound educated, i sounded like a pretentious bittie - and nobody likes that.  apply twice a day to all subjective opinions.

5. being hungover during the week is ok:

i really don't remember any of the days at school when i was hungover, but i do remember having a killer time the nights before.  i bet you when i am old and grey and sitting back and looking back, i'll be like "MAN, that wednesday night i learned to play the whaps was such a good time" and i will not remember the hangover i suffered through the next day.  unless your reason for saying no is really good, have a glass of wine with your friends when they want to even if it is during the work week.

4. exercise and nutrition are actually important.  

i am a fiend for sugary this and sugary that.  i once spent so much money on candy at the bulk barn that i still haven't admitted to anyone how much i dropped.  i also love binge eating bulk candy while i watch netflix.  and when i do this i can't sleep as well, i fret about work, i miss my friends, i turn my mind to douchebag exes.  get out for some fitness - endorphins seem to take care of these problems and productivity is out of control afterwards.  only winning, no losing.

3. eating on the couch.  

don't do it!!  sitting on the couch and watching tv while you eat is a recipe for eating shit that's not good for you long past the moment you're hungry.  eat at the effing table like an effing adult.

2. i like shoes, i like clothes.  

i used to get really furious with myself because i wanted material items.  i'd beat myself up and get all down on myself because some people have just the clothes on their backs and blah blah blah.  this is true.  i can't make having lots of clothes and lots of shoes into anything meaningful.  but i like them.  and i'm going to have them.  i just have to accept my flaws on this one and move forward into 27 with a bomb wardrobe.

1. things really do look better in the morning:

my mother has always said this, but because i am a creature of rash, big emotions i never really meaningfully understood it.  however, in an age of drunk texting, i can't believe it took me so long to wrap my mind around: this is the reason why we wake up on saturday morning and look at the phone and groan, like...why emily why.  when it's dark out (and with OR without wine, people), a shit situation can look double shit.  you want to talk that out?  yell it out?  duke it out?  wait til tomorrow - if you still want to when tomorrow comes, wait til the next day.  what i've found is that the rash conversations you want to have when it's dark and you're reeling from some douche move by some douche person, in the morning you might just find yourself thinking that the juice is simply not worth the squeeze.  at this point, see item 8 and practice some forgiveness.  then, put on a great outfit as per item 2 and go out into the world.